Saturday, 13 June 2009


Fucksake. Had first driving lesson for three weeks today and had practically forgotten everything, my instructor told me before she went away for three weeks that I should be going out driving with my parents to 'build up trust' and just practice some straight driving, which makes sense and is what both Catherine and Rhys have done (after less lessons than I'd had..). I said this to mother at the time and she was all 'ohhhh ohh well.. well.. I'll have to see.. hmmmmmm..'. Mentioned it again just now and the fact I'd forgotten so much between lessons and how it's going to take me FOREVER to learn if I don't go out at all between lessons.. "your sister didn't go out until she'd had FAR more lessons than you've had..." "I'm saying what my instructor said.. and Catherine and Rhys both went out after having less lessons than I've had already.." "Yes but you're not Catherine or Rhys".

They're wasting their own bloody money as well, having picked the most expensive instructor in the history of expensive driving instructors.
Really, they're just idiots. And the 'building up trust' my instructor suggests happening is just.. never going to happen, meaning I'm just.. never going to learn to drive.. S'just bloody retarded.

Grr. Subject change now.
Was Rhys and I's 2 year anniversary type thing yesterday :). This is good. I love him. We went to Cardiff. I drew him this picture.

It is not very good, I didn't finish it as well as I'd liked to and should have spent more time on it. I think he liked it anyways, hard to tell :P.

On another note, it's apparently official that Danielle, Caitlin, Catherine and I have lost Laura and Lydia as friends.
Basically, I left Monmouth Comp to do Media Studies at Caldicot. Upon leaving, a lot of new peoples arrived at Monmouth Comp, including the likes of Fai-ahem-Felix. Felix is a long term dope head who is now, apparently, becoming a doped up crack head. All I knew of this person was that they befriended Laura and Lydia and that they were a 'bit dodgey'. ('Cherylish', I believe was the term). Then it is discovered that Laura had confided in Caitlin the fact she had started smoking weed with Felix. This had severely shocked and distressed Caitlin and Danielle, to put it lightly. Laura then gets told the extent to which this had shocked and distressed Caitlin and Danielle. See, would it be a fair suggestion that perhaps if you'd found out you'd severely shocked and distressed your friends by smoking an illegal drug that you'd reconsider your actions, or at the very least apologise and do anything within your conscious power to put it right? That is, if you cared about your friends mental (and physical) state. This seemed like a fair suggestion to me, but really couldn't be any different from what actually happened. Laura effectively did nothing. It was left for us to bring up the topic of conversation, was left for us to do any form of confrontation. Now I believe that Laura was naive enough to really not see smoking weed as a big deal at all, infact about as shocking as if we were to find out she'd been drinking a large amount of coffee, or something. But the fact she did nothing AT ALL to show that she regretted her actions, regretted upsetting her friends so much, regretted anything.. this just gave off the impression she didn't really care. When attempts at in-person confrontations were made, all that proceeded to happen was Felix turning up and butting in, being generally quite rude and blatently controlling. He spoke for Laura, I heard. My natural assumption was that he was just controlling L+L, attempting to turn them against us, because it was out of character for Laura not to do anything about hurting her friends.
We decided, after a month of upset, worry, severe stress and not having the two Ls around, that we'd just lay it to rest and not worry about it unless it just became a lot worse. We decided we'd really just like our friends back, despite all that had gone on. My birthday came and went, then Laura's birthday appeared. Danielle made her a cake in an attempt to say 'we miss you :( friends again plz?'. Nothing changed.. Laura continued to go off with Lydia and Felix (and Liam..? o.O) and never once made an attempt to see Danielle, Catherine and Caitlin at school. This, we felt, was a bit like a slap around the face. We decided to confront her via WLM, ask what was going on. When the cake-gesture was mentioned, she just repeated 'Thank you for my cake =]', the repetition seemed a tad sarcastic. We basically had another one of the conversations we'd had back in March/April. Her closing statement was:

(23:35) [[ Laaaaura ]]: Things won't be the same, do you think i liked being told it was like i didn't care and everything?

For me, at least, this is another big slap around the face, with a little bit of headdesk thrown in.
And this is where we are.
The really disturbing thing for me is that I haven't seen Laura since the beginning of March before we even knew about the weed. I think this enables me to shift the blame quite nicely on to the person I have still never met, the person who supplies/supplied Laura with the weed, the person who was just bloody rude to Danielle and Caitlin when they showed Laura their anxiety and concern. Yeah, it's really just making him out to be a bit of a twat, isn't it.
The fact I haven't seen Laura since this all happened means I haven't witnessed any change in her. To me, she is still Laura, and I find it hard to believe Laura would say any of the things she's said or do any of the things she's done. It also means I'm the one who is going to find it the most difficult and unbearable to move on.
I don't know what to say on the subject at the moment and where my mind stands. I don't think Laura's really thinking anything through, I think she's taking the quick easy hot-guy option out. It's just really difficult to accept the fact that included in the quick easy hot-guy option out is forgetting our existance.
I really hope no one minds me posting this story up, but I don't see any reason to beat about the bush, and I find typing it up makes it vaguely clearer in my mind.
I'll delete anything if you do so desire.
Just needed to say it.

Well. Yeah.
I'll put some pictures up in another post.


dani said...

My one problem with you typing this story up is that you called failix "hot-guy". Other than that, i think typing it was a good idea. Typing is fucking useful sometimes.
And y'know what? Failix is past cherylish. Cheryl never tried to control us, at least.. in fact, he said if we ever did what he did, he'd stop us. Every time his horrible chav friends threateningly offered me weed, he'd tell them no and stop them from saying anything.
This suggests to me that, considering how much of a dick cheryl was, failix is the biggest dick ever to grace the fucking earth. Not in a literal sense, obviously, I mean his arrogance has got to be compensating for something, right?

Hazel said...

yeaah, I see your point, sjust I'm pretty sure Laura would consider him a 'hot guy' 8-) and I was including 'Liam' in the 'hot guy' thing too, seeing as she's also hanging around with him instead of yous.
and yeah, the fact he's worse than cheryl is just.. hah, had never thought about it that way. dear god, he really is a complete twat, what the hell is she doing with him :/

Lawriet said...

perhaps you should hire a hit :p might be a bit pricey :S
also perhaps you should force your mum to take you out by using violence :)

Catherineey said...

Falix is a knob, I agree
But at the same time Laura and Lydia chose him over us, I hate to say it, and in no way do I condone anything he does, but he didn't make that choice for them, no matter how controlling, they've shown no effor whatsoever to disobey him and talk to us when he's not even in school.

It was easier to blame him, cause I didn't care about him and I did about them, and people I care about tend to be the only ones who hurt me, cause you know...I care about them and all

They both love him though, so their friendship will probably fall apart eventually over him.

Karma will be a bitch.

Smaitlin said...

ugh everytime i see failix on his scooter thing i wish the car behind would clip the of it and kill him.
art's definitly the best, where the silence is so awkward i could explode, it's brilliant.

also has anyone else noticed the large amounts of eye make up lydia's been wearing?
wonder why...