Monday, 29 June 2009


I shouldn't do a blog at 22:50 at night because I have school in approximately 8 hours and 40 minutes. Sleep would be advisable at this point in time, bu- wait, Media's cancelled and I have a free second.. I can go in at break! :D Oh happy days.
Not really, though, because today has not been a happy day, no.
It has been a retarded day.
Basically, was rain + thick, holey trousers + shoes that aren't actually shoes anymore, they wouldn't even pass as socks + puddles + thinking it was week 2 (when it was actually week 1) for the fisrt 2 hours of the day + playwrights for 2 hours meaning I missed the first half of my Media double + epic rain turning into EPIC heat and sun, meaning heavy, wet trousers are now HELLISH + playwrights after school until 5; spending 2 hours and 10 minutes with a bunch of hyper active year 8s who really don't want to be there attempting to direct them in a play format + being collected by my sister because my mother had 'fallen asleep at the wheel' earlier and damaged her car + having nothing bought by my mother for me to have for tea + being disgustingly tired because of said events + getting into ridiculously pointless 'arguments' that are essentially something picky, out of the blue and not relevent being said which makes me not want to even bother attempting to be nice anymore, when really it shouldn't be effort anyway + not having been to the gym in like a week + ARRGH EVERYTHING ELSE.

I don't LIKE IT.

JESUS if this is what summer does to me, please, just piss off summer.

oh ffs my nose won't stop running either.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

School's fun, yup.

Arrgghh I'm dyyyyinnnngg
Stomach is growling at me and Iuno why :( I would put food in it but a) it's hurty in an I-have-no-apetite way and b) I can't be arsed.
I am in school, by the way. Getting food to consume would involve walking aaaallll the way to the village, because I have no stupid finger print account here or 'swipe card'. If it was connected to Monmouth I would.. but, alas, I find myself stuck in a school with a canteen containing foods I simply am not allowed to eat.
I think I'm going mad.
I'm blogging in school. I haven't done this in aages, MONTHS. God, I hate the fact year 12s go back to school after exams. Really, I've had 5 lessons over the past 3 days so far and 2 of them were dvd lessons and another was just sitting in a classroom commenting on how pregnant my teacher. I have only had two in which we have actually done anything of any meaning to my life or any form of education, these lessons being media, in which he has said 'you don't have to come to lessons for the next two weeks if you don't want to :)' meaning the next two weeks will be weeks of NOTHING. All we did in media really was talk about the coursework, which sounds pretty damn awesome. We get the next two weeks to decide what to actually do for it, because it's so open. S'gonna be well cool. I also just had psychology which was one of the dvd lessons, well, I say dvd, it's actually a VIDEO we're watching (I know, we're well retro at Caldicot..), a video of 'Seven', or 'Se7en' or however you wanna write it. This is the fourth time I have seen this film, 3 of these times being in school. Drama, media and now psychology. What the hell is school's obsession with this film? I can vaguely understand psychology, what with it being centered around a paranoid schizophrenic, but it's an 18 and the first time I saw this film in school I must have been 15. Makes no sense. I'm not really complaining though, it's quite a good film.. it's just, I can't watch just 'quite good' films that amount of times in the space of 3 years. I hate overwatching films, it ruins them. It's the same with music, people who overlisten to music are just strange, they're the kind of people who don't really listen to the music, they just put it on the background, which should be and illegal offence, really.
I have music in 15 minutes. Should I go? The teachers say we must go for at least 2 weeks before giving up, but I just know I'm not going to take music, I'd rather eat potatoes off a fatman's backside, to be honest. It's a waste of time; I know I'm not going to do well in it and I dislike it severely. Bleh.. I was planning on going down the village instead and getting food, but my stomach is really hurting right now.. hmm, maybe walking will make it ease off, who knows. Or maybe it's CAUSED by walking.. should I take that risk?
I probably will, otherwise I'll just end up blogging for the next hour. Believe me, I can type a LOT in an hour.
Hah, I think you'd all enjoy that.
Yes, every single one of you.

I can't post photos in this post. This would mainly be because I am in school and therefore have no photos to post, but also because.. I have no photos to post. I have not really taken many of any decent standard since my last post.. just the Trellech ones with Danielle and Catherine. Maybe if you're lucky I'll post them up when I get home.
If I can be bothered.
What are the chances, eh.
Saying that, if I can be bothered to go the gym later when my stomach is screaming at me for unknown reasons then I should really be bothered to sit at my computer and post photos to this blog.
I'm generally not an amazingly sensical person, apparently.

Urgghghghgg owwchhhh :( Maybe it's apendicitis.. that'd be fun. Yeah. Brlhl.g.
Where even is the apendix? I'ma ask google.. ahh, no way is this apendicitis then, it's in a completely different place. My actual stomach is screaming at me.. maybe it's just really REALLY godamn hungry, so much so it's going to criple me until I eat. Well then it's gutted and can stop having a strop, or I'm not doing anything. It's behaving like a small child and shall be treated like one. However it could not be because it's hungry.. could be infected by an uncooked food I have recently consumed.. but then doesn't food poisoning appear a few hours after consumption? In which case, I do not have food poisoning. I have not eaten anything since tea last night.. I believe the last thing I ate was Tesco value ice cream.. Hah, maybe my stomach just really hates tesco. Or, maybe I have gastric flu. That'd be equally as fun, although I believe I would have thrown up by now. Maybe I have really bad wind.. in my stomach. This is the least severe really and most definitely the most likely.. but then I've had that before and it didn't feel like this.
Oh dear, the bell just went. Do I go? Hmmm.. I think whatever I do it will not involve this blog, so I think I shall say goodbye for now.
I'm sure you had fun reading this.
Oyasumi nasai! (because it's definitely night..)

Saturday, 13 June 2009


Fucksake. Had first driving lesson for three weeks today and had practically forgotten everything, my instructor told me before she went away for three weeks that I should be going out driving with my parents to 'build up trust' and just practice some straight driving, which makes sense and is what both Catherine and Rhys have done (after less lessons than I'd had..). I said this to mother at the time and she was all 'ohhhh ohh well.. well.. I'll have to see.. hmmmmmm..'. Mentioned it again just now and the fact I'd forgotten so much between lessons and how it's going to take me FOREVER to learn if I don't go out at all between lessons.. "your sister didn't go out until she'd had FAR more lessons than you've had..." "I'm saying what my instructor said.. and Catherine and Rhys both went out after having less lessons than I've had already.." "Yes but you're not Catherine or Rhys".

They're wasting their own bloody money as well, having picked the most expensive instructor in the history of expensive driving instructors.
Really, they're just idiots. And the 'building up trust' my instructor suggests happening is just.. never going to happen, meaning I'm just.. never going to learn to drive.. S'just bloody retarded.

Grr. Subject change now.
Was Rhys and I's 2 year anniversary type thing yesterday :). This is good. I love him. We went to Cardiff. I drew him this picture.

It is not very good, I didn't finish it as well as I'd liked to and should have spent more time on it. I think he liked it anyways, hard to tell :P.

On another note, it's apparently official that Danielle, Caitlin, Catherine and I have lost Laura and Lydia as friends.
Basically, I left Monmouth Comp to do Media Studies at Caldicot. Upon leaving, a lot of new peoples arrived at Monmouth Comp, including the likes of Fai-ahem-Felix. Felix is a long term dope head who is now, apparently, becoming a doped up crack head. All I knew of this person was that they befriended Laura and Lydia and that they were a 'bit dodgey'. ('Cherylish', I believe was the term). Then it is discovered that Laura had confided in Caitlin the fact she had started smoking weed with Felix. This had severely shocked and distressed Caitlin and Danielle, to put it lightly. Laura then gets told the extent to which this had shocked and distressed Caitlin and Danielle. See, would it be a fair suggestion that perhaps if you'd found out you'd severely shocked and distressed your friends by smoking an illegal drug that you'd reconsider your actions, or at the very least apologise and do anything within your conscious power to put it right? That is, if you cared about your friends mental (and physical) state. This seemed like a fair suggestion to me, but really couldn't be any different from what actually happened. Laura effectively did nothing. It was left for us to bring up the topic of conversation, was left for us to do any form of confrontation. Now I believe that Laura was naive enough to really not see smoking weed as a big deal at all, infact about as shocking as if we were to find out she'd been drinking a large amount of coffee, or something. But the fact she did nothing AT ALL to show that she regretted her actions, regretted upsetting her friends so much, regretted anything.. this just gave off the impression she didn't really care. When attempts at in-person confrontations were made, all that proceeded to happen was Felix turning up and butting in, being generally quite rude and blatently controlling. He spoke for Laura, I heard. My natural assumption was that he was just controlling L+L, attempting to turn them against us, because it was out of character for Laura not to do anything about hurting her friends.
We decided, after a month of upset, worry, severe stress and not having the two Ls around, that we'd just lay it to rest and not worry about it unless it just became a lot worse. We decided we'd really just like our friends back, despite all that had gone on. My birthday came and went, then Laura's birthday appeared. Danielle made her a cake in an attempt to say 'we miss you :( friends again plz?'. Nothing changed.. Laura continued to go off with Lydia and Felix (and Liam..? o.O) and never once made an attempt to see Danielle, Catherine and Caitlin at school. This, we felt, was a bit like a slap around the face. We decided to confront her via WLM, ask what was going on. When the cake-gesture was mentioned, she just repeated 'Thank you for my cake =]', the repetition seemed a tad sarcastic. We basically had another one of the conversations we'd had back in March/April. Her closing statement was:

(23:35) [[ Laaaaura ]]: Things won't be the same, do you think i liked being told it was like i didn't care and everything?

For me, at least, this is another big slap around the face, with a little bit of headdesk thrown in.
And this is where we are.
The really disturbing thing for me is that I haven't seen Laura since the beginning of March before we even knew about the weed. I think this enables me to shift the blame quite nicely on to the person I have still never met, the person who supplies/supplied Laura with the weed, the person who was just bloody rude to Danielle and Caitlin when they showed Laura their anxiety and concern. Yeah, it's really just making him out to be a bit of a twat, isn't it.
The fact I haven't seen Laura since this all happened means I haven't witnessed any change in her. To me, she is still Laura, and I find it hard to believe Laura would say any of the things she's said or do any of the things she's done. It also means I'm the one who is going to find it the most difficult and unbearable to move on.
I don't know what to say on the subject at the moment and where my mind stands. I don't think Laura's really thinking anything through, I think she's taking the quick easy hot-guy option out. It's just really difficult to accept the fact that included in the quick easy hot-guy option out is forgetting our existance.
I really hope no one minds me posting this story up, but I don't see any reason to beat about the bush, and I find typing it up makes it vaguely clearer in my mind.
I'll delete anything if you do so desire.
Just needed to say it.

Well. Yeah.
I'll put some pictures up in another post.

Monday, 1 June 2009


RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG. I would rant about all my shit but it really won't get me anywhere (Y) god knows who I'd offend.

Can't be crapped to edit my photos (Y) atm, anyway. So have the few I'd done previously.

sensing a theme?